I retreat...

It is!

Vince — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 06:51:00 +0000

“I am Balong” I always like to retain this… vinceleste.com See you there

vinceleste.com

Vince — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 09:41:00 +0000

It’s working now! yes!

www.vinceleste.com

a new way of zen for me

Cheerful givers and gifts!

Vince — Sat, 27 Jan 2007 11:23:00 +0000

Some of the bloggers I know were asking what’s happening with me and what made me always busy and here it is.

Seems this is the proper time to announce my new blog site with its new domain name and it is powered by WordPress. The site www.vinceleste.com is already functioning well, as of this time, I think.

Thanks to Major Ituloy Angsulong of kontrapelo.com, TK of lheeanne.com, Rho, Sash, Sawariko, Louiss of Blogging Secret and to others who commented and followed my faults in setting the new site. I am always grateful of your presence and support.

“Samok” You Are Disturbing Me!

Vince — Sat, 27 Jan 2007 03:36:00 +0000

The kids were playing inside the house where their grandmother was washing the dishes. They were running and yelling with one another. The lola shouted, “Samok! Samukan kaayo mo.”

Disturbed?

Our attitude in life sometimes determines how founded are we in relating with situations we experience. One friend, left an offline message asking for comfort and prayers for her friend who just died recently. She was greatly affected. Sure, it was painful and she was disturbed of the reality of losing a love one who had just faced death.

“Samok,” are we disturbed with noise when we are trying to focus ourselves with office works? Yes. Whilre Reading a good book or novel and here comes your younger sister asking for money to buy something, will you not be annoyed? Maybe.

We have always the wanted to be comfortable at all times. IT is good, pleasurable and always longed. What does disturbance brings us? Negative. But not realizing, we are annoyance or disturbance to others sometimes. Even death disturbs our peaceful mind. True.

“Samok,” for most people doesnt bring good. Wait, let us see. Samok brings contrast, stir our feelings and emotion, thus makes us human, leads us into realization of being vulnerable, and to recognize our unpreparedness, our weaknesses hopefully gives strength and helps us to grow; grow and be mature in confronting ourselve’s capacity to appreciate “samok” even in very little instances in our ordinary day in the office, in the class or even in the market.

We tend to always find for lieasure, but most of us fail to recognize the implication of all-comfort or all-leaisure lifestyle.

The bottom line is: as an individual, are you prepared to face “samok” at this very moment? How prepared are you? That’s life. Expect the unexpected.

A lot of it

Vince — Wed, 24 Jan 2007 11:55:00 +0000

Rest, rest and rest; these are all what I need maybe….

Monday Mental Blackout

Vince — Mon, 22 Jan 2007 07:11:00 +0000

Morning class for four hours was a sooo sayang… Monday mental blackout; still adjusting myself with my new schedule every Sunday which is now my day with children, no more Saturdays…. The week will really starts with Sunday from now on…. So great! Lol!

Equality

Vince — Sun, 21 Jan 2007 13:24:00 +0000

Newspaper headlines tell about election related issues, different confusing political agenda and different disturbing situations here in the Philippines. How are we affected with these? Sino ang mga naiipit sa lahat ng ito?

A Confession of a Young Priest

Vince — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 04:43:00 +0000

A very young priest confronted with his sexuality

Brother,

Nangyari ito kaninang umaga lamang. I was on my way to one of the religious schools sa Cubao. Maaga pa but maraming tao na ang nag-aabang ng train from Santolan station. I travel every Friday morning by train, actually. But just today, kakaiba ang aking karanasan. I usually give my seat to others kaya kadalasan din akong nakatayo and sumasandal na lamang sa may malapit sa pintuan kung saan bumubukas para lumabas. It happened na ok naman ang aking pakiramdam kanina; di gaanong malamig or maaliwalas. Pagsandal ko, napapikit pa nga ako para makapag-relax ng kunti but nagsimulang magsiksikan sa loob ng tren and doon nangyari ang di ko inaasahang pangyayari sa araw na ito.

May dalagang nakatayo sa aking harapan, nasa edad 18 hanggang 21, maganda sa aking paningin, maputi at makinis ang kutis, flawless, isang typical na estudyante. Masasabi ko na kahalintulad siya ng aking ex-gf noon, I recalled her at once. Nakaharap siya sa pintuan, natatingin sa malayo, ganun din ako, sa labas nakatingin. Biglang lumarga ang tren, nawalan sya ng balanse at naisandal nya ang balinkinitang katawan sa akin. Nabigla ako at natulalang sinapo sya. Naramdaman ko ang kinis ng kanyang mala-sibuya na kutis. At the next station, more people got in to the tren and doon nagsimulang mag-init ang aking pakiramdam. I became conscious of her presence and di lang yun, kundi magkadikit na ang aming mga katawan dahil nga sa nagsiksikan na. As if she was telling me of something na gusto ko ring marinig from her. Di ko alam. I can smell her fragrance, na animoy very tempting to brush her hair. Mas matangkad ako ng bahagya and that’s ideal for me. I was turned on and random flashes of lusty images came to my mind. I shut my eyes and prayed and yet di ko napigilan ang bugso ng aking damdamin like lumakas pa lalo ang heartbeat ko. Nilagnat ako bigla dahil sa kanya. Sa Anonas station, nagdagsaan ang mga pasahero at doon talagang sumandal na sya sa akin, kulang na lang na humawak sya sa aking mga braso dahil wala naman talaga syang mahahawakan na pinakamalapit na railing. May ipinapahiwatig ba sya?

I tried not to think further of any lusty thoughts pero di ko nakaya. Dumikit ang kanyang balakang sa aking harapan. Nataranta ako at di alam ang gagawin at iisipin. Di na ako makaurong pa dahil wala nag space para nga umurong. Ilang sentimetro na lang at pwede ko nang halikan ang kanyang pisngi o tenga, pababa sa leeg. Pati ang kanyang hininga ay nararamdaman ko animoy nakikipagkarerahan na rin sa aking hininga; napakabighani nya talaga. Sa kalagitnaan ng aking di napipigilang pagpapantasya sa kanya, bigla syang gumalaw at tumingin sa akin nang nakaramdam siguro na kanina pa nakadikit ang kanyang balakang sa aking harapan na parang di rin makakapagpigil. Nakaramdam ako ng hiya ngunit balewala akong bumaling sa labas mula sa pagkakatitig sa kangyang dibdib. Sa iilang minuto lang, marami na ang naganap sa aking isipan.

Sa wakas, nakarating na ako sa station na aking bababaan. Sa Belmonte, at sa huling pagkakataon, “Excuse me, miss…” ang sabi ko at bigla ba namang iharang ang katawan habang papalabas ako o baka nga ibinangga ko ang aking katawan sa kanyang likod. Di ko alam, litong-lito ako. Patawad. Mistula akong robot na lumakad patungo sa school na ang iniintindi ay ang pakiramdam na naiihi na hindi naman. Humanap kaagad ako ng malamig na tubig nang makapasok na ako sa loob, uminom sa fountain at tinungo ang CR. Sa loob ng klase, di ako napakali. Di ko lang alam kung nakahalata ang aking mga estudyante. Nagmamadali akong umuwi pagkatapos ko silang i-dismiss.

This is not the first time, but yung mga huli, I was confident na kaya kong i-tame ang aking sarili dahil nga sa marami na akong pinagdaanan at napag-aralan ko na rin ito sa buhay bilang pari. Di pa ako umabot ng trenta ngunit masasabi ko na mature na ako at alam ko kung anong papel sa buhay meron ako. Ngunit kanina, nalito ako…

Brother, that’s all I can remember. Salamat sa pakikinig.

Shared without hesitation

Pasakalye

Vince — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 12:49:00 +0000

Body and Heart Fitness

Vince — Mon, 15 Jan 2007 08:26:00 +0000

It’s a good time to play again. Every Monday is actually our recreation time, every Tuesday is our personal time to recreate. Monday’s are organized while I organize my own sport every Tuesday; that’s when I’m on the mood of playing. But instead of having soccer today, we had badminton and sepak takraw. I enjoyed playing the sepak takraw. As far as I can remember, the last time I played this game was during my high school days. I wasn’t included in our varsity team but played a big role as medic; athlete or eat-lete

Sepak takraw not only made my afternoon energetic but also the spirit of sportsmanship, the camaraderie and companionship. Last time, we lost the game but now, di rin nanalo since I stopped in the middle of the game, lol! I felt easily tired and really tired. I was thinking of, why not see the doctor this time. I was complaining but doing nothing about it. But since playing helps me to be fit, I think, gradually, I will be ok. Physically, di naman ako lampa talaga and I’m enjoying every game na sinasalihan ko, just like sepak takraw which was just introduced for the foreigners here. They enjoyed also.

“Kick that ball” is what sepak takraw means; a combination of Malay and Thai language; kick and ball. It is played like a combination of soccer and a volleyball. Soccer in a sense that it involves kicking and volleyball to volley the ball without using hands, malinaw ba? lol! hands off. First ball I saw was made of rattan, while we commonly use a plastic ball this time. It was good, playing energizes and makes us fit, not only physically but also the joy of playing different sports.

Helps me refrain from playing my balls, too.

Rather than spending my whole time, browsing and internet surfing, and playing online games, better to have physical exercises also. Bata pa ako, lol!

Blog Addiction

Vince — Sun, 14 Jan 2007 11:29:00 +0000

Just like with many other bloggers who seems can’t just stay from their PCs, Loïc Le Meur is also asking himself whether he is already addicted to blogging. I came across with his blog and seems I’m really getting addicted with it. Aside from having a journal notebook at my bedside, I have also the passion of typing and posting them to my blog. At least this is, I hope, the final blog address and maybe to be satisfied with my template, and I hope also that I’m not scandalizing my readers. But for sure, I’m aware, why and what made me blog. Meandering has reminders after presenting symptoms of blog addiction; I found it really not funny, as it was stated , too

One symptom, funny as it is, I found myself making a small reminder that I’m a blog addict. Here it is! A button/pin I attached to my backpack’s strap.

There’s also a short, satisfying experience with MySiteProfile where I was invited by Aaron to be part of it. Within a week, I found my Profile at the first page of Mysiteprofile. Whew! a blog addict…. This will just be for a moment, lol!

That’s all for this time…

Lost and Found Family: Who was/were Really Lost?

Vince — Sat, 13 Jan 2007 11:30:00 +0000

Few days before Christmas, I reflected on my experience that day about Teby, a young boy. I was reminded by an experience that he once told me about running away from home and for few years, he didn’t see his family and now living in an orphanage for the abandoned. I asked myself of what would be a Christmas on the street; I remembered them in my prayers. The Institution had a chance to participate in an afternoon show, Wowowee last December and Teby was given a chance to speak to the tele-viewers and said, “Kunin n’yo na po ako rito…”

Today, as usual Saturday of my visitation with the children at Asilo to teach them with their basic subjects. I found a real and valuable gift for Christmas when I arrived. I entered the office to log in when I noticed an old man and a young woman. Teby was there also, standing behind the man. I greeted the and entered the room while waiting for the logbook from the counter. I was wondering what were the two doing there and Teby was talking to them. The social worker, guessing my reaction, told me that the man with the boy is his father, and the woman is his sister-in-law. I was very happy at that very moment that the boy found his family or maybe his family found him! They saw him on TV and they started looking for the Institution from that day. I learned from the father that they gave up looking for him after a year and presumed dead or adopted. I was little bit disappointed that he lost his hope but I saw with my very eyes how happy he is that he has his son again after four hopeless years of losing him. Teby hugged his father. His age is not 12 as he related to me last time, but he is now 14 and five months old. He is already a teenager and yet he seems to be underdeveloped basing the developmental growth of his age.

I turned to him and smiled, he came to me and hugged me while happily telling me how grateful he is this time. He thanked me for the time and laughter we shared everytime we have our tutorial. I recalled how hesitant he was with me at first but we became friends when I related with him a story about a father and son who escaped from prison using birds’ feathers’ to fly (I forgot the whole story…) I was touched of this morning’s grace. We bid goodbye as if we will not meet again…kaya pa-pics na kami

After many days of looking from the time they saw him on TV, at last they found him, and now, Teby found his family. Who was lost? There was that moved them into that situation, I was sure, there was that atmosphere of longingness and love this morning. I was very happy, everybody was happy. How much more with Teby and his family? What love can do?

n.b.
Unchecked grammars and spelling.
Teby is not his real name.
Can’t continue writing, iiyak na ako!

What is Love?

Vince — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 12:31:00 +0000

It is actually difficult to answer any question that we’ve never personally encountered. Is it too abstract? Is it experiential? There are a lot of possible answer’s but would that really matter? It’s with the experience that we can tell what does love really mean. Who has this? Who has none? Who just ignore this from anyone?

Monk and the modern world

Vince — Wed, 10 Jan 2007 08:12:00 +0000

My first notion about monks was too broad, generalized and really a different idea from what we have now. Monks were the people who live in the forest alone and secluded. The cloisters they have do not accept visitors openly and they lived as farmers and beggars. Yet it is common for them as simple people, living their vows with austerity. They were tagged as ascetics, hermits, old people to mendicants, beggars, who can also be found in the cities. I met the founder of a newly established local congregation under a Bishop, and he said that they are the modern mendicants. Being a monk follows with the world’s trend, from old to modern, and they exist at the edge of the society. When the world is getting modernized, globalized and chaotic, where is the simplicity and how they can live the challenges of the modern lifestyle?

Religious life is a 24/7 life, and a monk lives a unified and well-integrated life. He is not being disturbed nor affected with the world’s change, faithful and is calm; he is being in contemplation, having a constant attitude of being a religious monk whatever their professions or works. This should not be misinterpreted with the activities of being a monk will make a monk. The identity is being changed from “practices” to “being” not for showing only. Like the virtues of the vows, give way to a constant intimate communion with God in every events of everyday dealings. This is greatly demanding and yet a privilege to a monk to be wholly and well-integrated being. Monks continually exist in spite of having nothing, a realization that even without any securities and social identities, continue to evolved and seek transformation and conversion in Christ, whom we always find our identity; it is spirituality.

Every Christian is called to follow Christ, this is religious life; since everybody is consecrated to God by virtue of being adopted brothers and sisters of Jesus. Thus we are always the “people of God” and that encompasses everything. This gives life to a new way of monasticism in our modern time, being integrated with every individual and communities; from our families of our own to our professional career, on how the values of the monks are lived. The new communities of Christians are gift to everybody and it is being welcomed gradually. We can see the changes of Christian life in our local churches being re-energized with the challenges presented by religious life in the modernized and more secularized world. It started from people’s need, local churches as how the early monastic life was born, spread all over the land.

n.b. Random personal reflection, unedited nor grammar checked.

Cuatro cantos

Vince — Wed, 10 Jan 2007 03:26:00 +0000

O, ha? Mga cuatro cantos na animo’y ngayon lang nakalabas mula sa lungga ng computer… Si ate Ghee, ate Sash, Ate Nona, and si kuya, lol!

Leuluaialii what?

Vince — Wed, 10 Jan 2007 00:39:00 +0000

Yup! It took me a minute to pronounce and to memorize that word, Leuluialii. Kararating lang ng superior ko from Samoa at Fiji, and ito nga ang kanyang binitbit mula sa kanilang family reunion. So what’s in that word, yan ang apelyido ng clan n’ya. And… ito nga yung binigay s akin, isang katutubong damit, may flowers pa, lol! Red na red, parang kakulay ng kahon ng Fita, hahhaa!

Ito ay kanilang tinatawag na “Sulu”, parang Jolo, Sulu… Hmm, reminds me of… beaches? monastery? School? airport? Runway? runaway? My students? My marine escorts? Lol!

Ito ay isang katutubong damit ng mga Fijian, parang salawal, patadyong ng taga-Mindanao, kantio ng mga Tausug. Naghihintay ito kung kanino ko ibibigay.

Losing a Game

Vince — Mon, 08 Jan 2007 08:26:00 +0000

Katatapos lang ng laro namin. I was expecting it na basketball sana but it was chnaged to voleyball. Di ako sanay maglaro ng sports pero natutuo na rin ako after few years of being with athletes. Masarap maglaro basta ba masaya ang lahat after. Di naman nagiging issue sa amin ang bullying dahil nga turing namin ay magkakapatid. Napag-uusapan ang lahat.

Natalo kami sa second game. Palpak, pero nakaraos din. Di alintana ang pagod, tudo-bigay ang paglalaro. Sa sunod ay iba na ang laro namin. I just joined another sports elective; Sipak takraw naman at Tennis. Medyo mahirap yata pero medyo sanay na ako sa badminton.

The point is, masaya ako sa pakikisama sa ibang manlalaro. Walang hang-up at walang patalbugan ng galing kahit sa talino. Naniniwala naman ako na ang pakikipag-kaibigan ay di nakukuha sa talino. Minsan kasi akong nagkamali sa pakikipag-kaibigan, walang patutunguhan kung ulo lang pinapairal. Kanina, natamaan ng bola sa ulo ang pinakamaliit sa aming grupo, pero parang ok lang, dahil nga nakaya nya rin ang sakit siguro, loL!

Talo nga kami, masaya naman, LoL

Wala lang… Pasakalye lamang….

Funeral Mass to Laughter

Vince — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 11:41:00 +0000

This was yesterday’s event. I got a good chance to see these people. di pa kumpleto ito

More of this here and here… and soon here…

Pic grabbed from ate Nona… S’ya kasi ang may kuha nito…

Napupuno ng Grasya after disgraces

Vince — Fri, 05 Jan 2007 15:35:00 +0000

Sa wakas! My anxiety is resolved! I was able to finish my application letter to renew my vows for another year. Wow! I still have another two to three years before I will perpetually profess, and that would be a solemn one! PERO, yan ay kung ma-approve ang kapa-pasa ko lang na letter. Naisingit ko pa nga ang makipag-chat kay Miko during the time na busy ako, LoL! S’yempre di ko sinabi sa kanya until natapos ko na nga. About the letter I submitted it dahil deadline na talaga. It’s not my attitude to procrastinate but I just needed to reflect more and seriously, mahirap nga naman talaga. Kung nabasa mo ang previous entry sa blog na ito, maiintindihan mo kung bakit ganun na lang ka-brutal ang mga naisulat ko; talagang personal ang dating! Di bale, tapos na nga.

Sunod-sunod na yata ang graces na natatanggap ko. Kahapon, nakuha ko na ang Non-professional driver’s license ko. Tatlong beses na akong pabalik-balik sa LTO-Cainta; mainit ang panahon at mahaba ang pila sa dami ng tao. I can drive our vehicles now, and that’s after a “joyride test” ng aming rector, then I will be permitted. Next, every experience has a purpose, ika nga. Previous night, I received emails and it seems to be a spam. Si ate Melai! Pinasa pala kay Miko, aba, at pinapangaralan yata ako ng taong ito sa article nya, “Nasubukan Mo Na Ba.” It was a reflective and fantastic article. I read it twice before replying and nagtanong ako kung spam ba yun at parang nangangaral pa sa akin. Nice, nag-reply naman. Since reflective-mood ako that time, mabait ako, di suplado ang dating, threatening nga lang ang dating, ” O, paano yan next email mo, nasa spam box na ang email mo,” I said. At ang nakakatuwa pa, kausap ko that tim si Ate Sash and ka-chat n’ya raw si Laarni na naiinis dahil nagtanong, sino ba si ate Melai, naasar yata pero di kalaunan, ok na raw s’ya. D’on na nga nag-umpisa ang discussions namin and seriously, yun doon yata ako na-challenge being who I am and at that time, I was reflecting a life I have and eager to remain, kasi nga I was composing my desire to renew my vows. It was a grace. Nagmala-anghel daw, lol! Sabi ko na, every experience, may purpose, di naman yun messianic complex para sa akin, mabait lang talaga ako

Kay ate Melai at Miko, para sa inyo ‘to.

Confrontation with the Dark Side

Vince — Tue, 02 Jan 2007 17:17:00 +0000

Paminsan-minsang pagkatao ng isang tao sa buhay na meron ako.

Paumanhin sa aking pananagalog. Magtanong kung di naiintindihan.

Alas-onse ng gabi, di makatulog. Isang malungkot na ako ang tumambad sa aking harapan. Di alam kung inaantok o hindi ngunit ayaw kong matulog. Mula sa kaibuturan ng puso, isang guhit ng pagsisisi sa buhay ang biglang naliwanagan ng kidlat. Di lang pagsisisi, kundi ang pagbabalik tanaw sa kanina lang na kasiyahan ng buhay. Ganito ba talaga? Lungkot at saya ay nmagkakasunod? Animo’y tuyo at tigang, pagod na pagod. Tumayo ako at hubo’t-hubad na tumayo sa harap ng malaking salamin sa sulok ng aking kwarto. Di ako ang aking nakikita. Malalim ang paningin, malungkot ang pagmumukha ang aking nadarama sa kanya. Ah, nababanaag ng isang maliit na ilawan ang buong katawan. Ipinihit, nilakasan ang radyo, sa musika pilit pinapangingibabawan ang katahimikan ng isip. Magulo ngunit pilit iniiba ang atensyon. Ah, mga ganitong gunita, ay dumarating din sa taong tulad ko. Buhay ako, tao at walang pinagkakaiba sa ordinaryong tao. Kani-kanila lang, suot ko ang mala-santong kasuotan, sutana na nagbibigay ng pagkakaiba. Ngunit sa loob nito, isang karaniwang tao. Pag ako ay nag-iisa na, ganitong-ganito ang nangyayari. Di pa rin ako nagtanda, di ko pa rin naaabot ang dapat maabot sa buhay ispiritwal. Sa harap ng salamin, yakap ang sarili, pikit-matang nakikita ang pag-iisa, kalungkutan at kadiliman. Hindi ito ang buhay napinapangarap ko. Liwanag ang kailangan ko. Luho, luho ang dahilan nito. Makamundong pagkatao, di nakukuntento. Bukas, wala na ito. Nahiga, nahihiya, pilit pinapayapa ang damdaming bigla at kusa na lang dumarating. Sa kalaliman ng gabi, nagluluksa sa sulok ang isang ako. Buhay, tao, nagbabago…

Pasakalye….