“When dealing with the Divine, we must remember that we never get just what we are expecting…”

I agree on this reflection about transfiguration as the glory of God shining through the body of Christ, his person. It was the experience of the three disciples, Peter, James and John, through Jesus, to see the glory of God. They were terrified that even Peter didn’t know what he was talking about when he said, “It’s good we are here, let’s build tents for you.” Peter wanted to stay in that ecstatic moment of his life, to be in the glory of God. Yet it was just a pre-experience of the resurrection for all. It is a promise of salvation of all, even daily salvation.

In dealing with God, we tend to expect that our prayers are exactly answered according to our expectations. We ask for certain graces and yet unaware of God’s graces how do they work in our lives. It is like underestimating God’s movement in our daily ramblings. Somehow these lead us to question God’s presence and start to doubt his love and existence. Tragedies and difficulties come and we start asking for help and yet we feel we were not being helped by God. There are moments when problems come and we feel we are being abandoned and nobody wants to help us. Then we ask why we are being abandoned. Are we? These experience may lead us to transfiguration when we are able to see how God moves us into his glory. The transfiguration of Jesus assures us the hope of salvation, not only in the end of time but also to our everyday dealings and difficulties.

The spark of graces work when we start thinking and answering the question of what are these experiences are trying to convey to us. The transfiguration comes and opens our mind to the mind of God, the place where Peter wanted to stay; in the glory of God in our lives. Transfigurations are sparks that should lead us to life’s transformation. It is being completed at the end of time; we should have the faith and hope until the end.

Pasakalye lang….

Nahihilo pa akong umalis from our place going to Ateneo this early afternoon. I felt the need to take a nap pero I needed to reply to some emails I received and signed 10 christmas cards na ipapadala overseas.

While sitting on this concrete bench, natatawa ako dito sa mag-syota just seven meters away from me. Umiiyak si lalaki while halata ring nangingiyak si babae; magkadikit pa ang mga balakang. Sa isip ko lang, wala kayang maliligaw dito sa aking kinauupuan para tumabi? Lol! It’s been five years na wala akong special someone and the thing is, I can’t have one or to have one anymore. I vowed for it, hopefully for life. Nasulyapan kong tinuka ni lalaki si babae. Naks! Nahalata ko ang aking sarili na binabantayan ko na pala sila na kaninang-kanina lang, nag-aaway pa sila, sa palagay ko lang. Di ko napigilang ngumiti sa aking nasaksihan at doon ko na-recall ang mga kwentong teenager ni Potpot. Nasabi ko sa sarili ko, “Di bale, di nyo rin alam na masaya ako sa buhay mayroon ako” Ngumiti na lang ako at nagpasalamat.

Today is my 8th session with the counselor. Medyo matagal-tagal na rin and I’m happy naman sa mga nagdaang appointments ko. Pero kung tutuusin concern din ako sa gastos dito. For 8 times lang, umabot na ng PhP 30,000.oo Kaya pansamantala, humingi muna ako ng “pause” kumbaga at pinayagan naman dahil di naman yan ang malaking dahilan kundi ang redundancy ng process. May spiritual director na ako, may accompanitor and ito pa na professional help from outside. Mapalad nga naman ang taong maraming nagmamahal sa kanya, I feel that too. Di halaga ng pera ang pinag-uusapan kundi ako mismo, ang naging buhay ko at ang magiging buhay ko sa hinaharap. Magkikita kami uli sa December 19, doon pa rin, kaya it’s another date again… then before and after summer…

Image taken last night only….

“In mind you appeared,
Serenity is with you,
Asilo within.”

This is my family. We are all 12 including our animator (fraternity Superior). We came from 8 different countries; Samoa, Papua New Guinea, India, Korea, Kiribati, Pakistan, Solomon Islands, and Philippines…

“Nadapa pa ako sa harap ng Jolibee sa Taguig dahil binigyan ako ng libreng 13 cups na kanin. Tanong ng manager, “Ilan ba kayong lalaki?” “Ha? 13 po kami…” hayun at nagbigay nga… kaduda-duda sya! Lol!”

Introduction lang po yun 😀

Last night, I slept late already preparing the printed materials I photocopied. Every set contained a copy of Pope’s encyclical letters and decalogues for inter religious dialogue, and some documents produced after so many dialogues happened in the apst years. Sorry for me that I’ve not spent enough time reading them but for sure, those who will be given will read those documents.

It was not my first time to attend such activities. When I was in Mindanao, I joined as member of the Secretariat during the IRD initiated by the Association of Major Superiors in the Philippines, with the speaker, a Redemptorist Brother, Carl Gaspar, for me, a famous missionary in Mindanao where he lived most of his life. He came from Luzon area. That was two years ago, but memorable since it was joined by different groups of people, from Lumad to Moslem participants from Central Mindanao and Zamboanga, even those from basilan and Jolo. I can still remember that every individual’s biases creates the gap in every dialogue. The hesitance depends on the experiences of the participants yet, it was a very good opportunity to be reconciled, not only with every race and religion but with self… Self that created such fear for dialogue, might be failed or might be misunderstood.

Early this morning, I left the house at 15 past five and had my breakfast at Jolibee Cubao. I was little bit dizzy and confused of the place: street people still sleeping… I was challenged with the indifferences I saw from the faces of bystanders; I was one of them… Riding a bus going to MOA, I once again scanned my map book just to be sure that I will not be lost on the way since I have to be there at exactly seven o’oclock. Fortunately, sharp seven, I arrived at the Catholic Church near MOA. Being the Bursar (treasurer) of the JSF (Junior-Seminarian Forum in Metro Manila and nearby Province) I started collecting the participants contribution for stipend and for other expenses. There were 33 participants, 17 were sister-nuns. After an hour, we left the meeting place for Maharlika Village, Taguig.

Maharlika village is where most of the Moslem live and they have a big mosque, Blue Mosque. That was the first palce we visited and I really admired their hospitality. I felt the atmosphere inviting me to feel at home, which indeed, i felt at home as if Im in Mindanao again, particularly in Jolo. An Imam invited us to come in and there, the magnifecient structure was amazing. A Moslem scholar met us and presented their religion and had an open forum afterwards. Peaceful and fulfulling activity. The Imam was a very open and bright scholar, moderate and not fundamentalist. I met one of the peopel there who happend to be a Tausug, and I was happy to speak in Tausug language again. After that, we went straight to Pasig, and while on the way, I asked the driver to stop since I have to buy our additioanl food at Jolibee. There, nadapa nga ako. Nakakahiya sa mga nakakita, Lol! Tinawanan ako ng madreng kasama ko sa pamimili.

The afternoon session was the processing and reintegration of our experiences. I shared also about our one of the schools in the South that we have a mosque, though its a Catholic school, and even in Jolo, we cut the time short every Friday to let them attend their D’waa. Then we concluded with thanskgiving eucharist.

Umuwi ako ng maaga, pero napadpad sa Shangrila para magliwaliw ng kunti kasama ang iba pang mga religious. Eskapo ng kunti kumbaga kaya ginabi pa rin ng uwi sa bahay…

This is just for fun; walang magawa, since I will be out for Inter-religious dialogue at Maharlika Village, Taguig City bukas. Please pray for the success and peaceful dialogue with our Moslem brothers and sisters.

Reflections and experiences of a young religious sent as a missionary novice in the beautiful island of Jolo, Sulu, dated July 2004.

The challenges of this week encouraged me to be more open especially in sharing my pity with one of the students who was scheduled for suspension because I caught him smoking infront of the school. From that day, I realized that I don’t want to suspend a student as much as possible. Yes, I caught him smoking outside the gate, yet his courage in approaching me to say honestly that he is afraid of what am I going to do with him, surpassed the students handbook’s guidelines in disciplining the students. He was afraid of his parents for he knows what would happen upon learning what he did and what will happen to him. I was challenged whether report it or not and that challenge I told him, I will tell the Prefect of Discipline but he is the one to tell first. I even told him to be courageous in facing the consequences of what he did, and also to his parents. And he was. I was struck of his answer when I asked him if he is mad with me, he said “no brother”. I told him that I was happy being there. After that, I encouraged him to study hard and not to think of the suspension he is facing. I was fulfilled that day and prayed over that student for the grace of conversion for he also converted my feeling from strong-headed and rule-fixated person to a kind and understanding person. At least even just for that time, I was kind and understanding.

The memory with Baguio is still in my mind. It was exciting when we were still on our way up to the place where we stayed… frustrating nga lang na noong pabalik na kami, naitanong ko kung bakit inabot kami ng sampung oras sa daan… sasabihin ko ba na ok lang naman ang drayber superyor ko?

Ang sa akin lang naman ay sana, naging masaya nga talaga dahil naaalala ko pa itong iginuhit kong illustration using pastel and black paper…. Masaya pa rin ang buhay na sa katunayan, ang hirap at pasakit, frustrations at pagkabagot, ay dala lang ng panahong nagsasabing may mga dapat baguhin sa aking pananaw paminsan-minsan…

Simply, a brother…

Reflections and experiences of a young religious sent as a missionary novice in the beautiful island of Jolo, Sulu, dated July 2004.

Before I departed the Novitiate bound for Zamboanga, my mind was already wandering of what will happen for the next hours after I boarded the plane. It was not really the plane riding that was playing in my mind but my ignorance of the new place and traveling alone without foreknowledge. I was anxious of everything that I didn’t experience yet. First was the long distance travel, where will I stay in Zamboanga and how will I reach Jolo without hassle.

The travel to Zamboanga was really a short one. I experienced to laugh at myself saying, “It is really your first time…” By grace, I felt confidence that wherever I go, I entrusted myself to God. I believe that prayers made a lot of help, thanks to my brothers and to the persons who knew where I am going.

Again, the place seemed to be not new to me. I asked the tricycle driver to bring me directly to WMMC Hospital, which was just fifteen minutes away. I felt glad upon seeing the nun, my former spiritual director. In that place, as I reflected before retiring at night, God’s goodness was very clear to me. He sent Ate Cosset on that place and hospitably entertained my need in staying in Zamboanga. She was a blessing for me as she accompanied me to the Vicariate House. She, in fact accompanied me at the seaport the next day to secure a Weesam ticket for Jolo. I was so very grateful that I really felt confidence in going to Jolo.

Looking back, I didn’t chose to be assigned in Jolo, yet the enthusiasm to go there gradually grew in me. I became eager and excited to reach my destination. I didn’t really felt threatened when Ate Cosset noticed my costume which was very formal and intimidating. I was wearing a clerical white polo. She was not the only one who told me to keep alert since all the religious is in danger. With that I kept on recollecting whom should I be afraid of. I was wondering what made me so courageous, forgetting that I asked to God for the gift of courage and trust to him, that I believe, were given to me.

A young Brother, with his marine escorts fetched me at the seaport. I was very happy then that I reached Jolo without any danger at the sea. My mind was playing while onboard the sea craft. What if there will be pirates in the sea, namely the Abu Sayyafs or what if somebody in the boat would do kidnapping and will capture me first. I prayed and slept just to be in peace. In entering the school premise, I was quite amazed of the school setting. The first thing I noticed was the attitude of the students. I have already my bias and prejudice towards them. But as I have observed, my initial impression was, they are typical students and very nice to be with, as I recall my high school life.

Since I arrived on the day of Friday, I was able to join with other religious men here in the vicariate. I sensed the togetherness of the religious men here as they gather together for the “Bachelors’ Night”. Maybe with this gathering, they are energized after a week of working in their particular apostolate. For me, I will not be easily bored by just staying inside the campus because of this kind of gathering. But another opportunity for me to see the outside of the campus is the every morning Mass I am attending. Morning Mass here is still the same, energizing Mass for me to live my daily life in the presence of God.

My daily routine is not really far from my daily routine in the novitiate especially on how to begin the new day. It is a feeling of being protected by God as I begin the day with the Morning praise, Morning Prayer and receiving the Eucharist. Br. Allan is always my companion every morning. The importance of these practices is already valued within me and I was very happy when there were chance of attending the Mass twice a day; one at the Carmelite monastery every morning and one at the Cathedral. Daily employment sometimes, is jeopardized with my assignment at the canteen. And as I reflected on my week, I found a right time to do my employment and manual work every Saturday morning. Maybe this coming week will be another week of nourishing and inspiring week to stay here for a while.

Photo above is the Jambatan (seaport)

Photo from http://www.waltokon.com/Jolo01a60.html

My latest post, “Gone… Maybe For A While” was fruit of imagination and contemplation and not literally saying that I’m leaving even for a while: the blogging thing. I can’t just stop blogging when thoughts and feelings pour like rain. In other words, this post was meant to express “another’s” thought after times of contemplations. Salamat sa inyo 😀

Matutulog… natutulog… mahimbing na mahimbing… huwag nyo munang gisingin… di alam kelan papakita… o magsusulat ‘baga… di magtataka… di rin pagagambala… mawawala… sandali lang naman sana… maghintay ka lamang… hwag na ring tatawagan… kusa akong lalapit… pag ako ay maliligalig…. dyan ka na muna… lagi lang pakakatandaan… sa diwa di iwaksi… isiping palagi… nariyan lang namang kusa…. pag ako’y gustong makausap… gagawi’y alam dapat… di lang dito ako nakikita… sa lupa’t langit nariyan pa… araw-araw pwedeng ma- , alam mo na… pero… paalam na muna… di ko muna sasabihin… ako’y di rin kukkulitin… kung ika’y nagtataka… bahala ka na muna… sa uulitin… paalam na muna…